The Dark Side of A Saturday


Interesting.  How we spend so much time wishing for something.  Then once we get it, there is often a realization or an awareness that it truly isn’t what you thought it was going to be.

For the past 15 years as a hair dresser, I believed that in order to have a successful business, I had to work on Saturdays.  So I did.  Recently, I had arrived at a space in my life where that belief no longer served me.  So I released working Saturdays.  Since then, I’ve spent time with my family, slept in, enjoyed coffee with my fiance on our balcony, visited the Farmers Markets, napped, and even now – I write this on a leisurely visit to the Kaysville City Library with our kids.

I look around.  To my left is a man reading a newpaper.  There is another man to his left with headphones in, watching something on his iPad.  Behind me is a man reading a book.  People come here for peace and solitude, and quiet.  People come here to focus, and to read, and to absorb information.  People come here to be alone.

I am here, desperately gulping down the quiet.  Decompressing from the panic and anxiety attack that I have been struggling with over the last 3 hours. 

I’ve battled anxiety for most of my life.  And for most of my life, I can say that I’ve managed it well enough to lead what most would perceive as a normal life.  Even if those moments of managing haven’t been the healthiest.  I’ve been able to hold onto jobs.  I can get out of bed.  My life continues to flow.

The first time I consciously remember managing and self soothing away anxiety was when I was 6 years old.  Binge eating a bag of Cheetos.  

Anxiety for me doesn’t look like hyperventilating and a complete melt down inside my closet or in the shower like how some may perceive a vicious anxiety attack.  Anxiety for me can seem silent to people around me.  I get quiet and withdrawn.   I get snappy at my kids, and my fiance.  My heart races.  My senses heighten and I get acutely aware of my surroundings.  Sounds, smells, lights.  My neck and my shoulders get tense.  This is where the headaches enter.  When I was 17 years old, I remember complaining of bad headaches.  My mom took me to the doctor.  They couldn’t pin point anything wrong with me and sent me home with a recommendation of 800 mg of Ibuprofen 3 times a day, and at night time – a muscle relaxer.   My inside of my stomach became shredded.  It of course, was a temporary fix.

For me, today, my anxiety was triggered by the fact that I had a day off.  I didn’t have anything to do, no where to go, and no chores to complete.  Learning to relax is a new practice for me.  I’m finally at a place inside of my life where I see the value of taking some downtime, and practicing relaxing and self care.  There is value at times in stepping away from that GOD DAMN to do list.  But what happens when you’re ADDICTED to producing? That addiction for me, stems from a child hood belief that if I’m not producing or creating something – I will be forgotten.

For most of my childhood – I wasn’t ever nurtured, or parented unless I was sick, or got in trouble.  I wasn’t praised or celebrated unless I produced good grades or performed. 

I was a strong, resilient oldest child inside of the home that didn’t need a lot of attention.  I managed myself – from the time I was in first grade and started getting myself out of bed and ready for school – to the afternoons when I would come home from school and manage myself inside of completing my homework, getting my first job at 14 years old – to the time I was 18 years old and ventured out inside of my own hair styling business and sole proprietor as a booth rental stylist.


I recognize that these traits have made me who I am today.  They are who have created my reality.  These traits are why I am a great provider for my children and family.  They are why I am so strong.

Saturdays are now my living meditation – to get used to being comfortable with stillness, and leisure.  To get used to stepping away from my to do list, and phone calls, and texts.  I don’t go anywhere near my salon.  I breathe in my family, and soak up the time with the ones that I love.  I am ok with the darkness creeping in during days like today because I know that through this, these old beliefs and patterns are releasing.  The only way to create something new – is to prove it to myself that nothing bad happens when I slow down!  I am not a shark.  I can stop swimming for a minute.  I can rest.  And I am safe.

Here are a few of my favorite activities to get present inside of my body and battle my anxiety through HEALTHY ways.

  • BREATHE – Literally it looks like how it sounds.  I just sit down and take deep, conscious breaths.  That’s all I do when I am focused on that.
  • Talk to someone I trust and who can listen
  • Hug my children and get on the floor and play with them
  • Take a drive in my car and listen to my favorite music
  • Go on a walk, or go to the gym and sweat
  • Journal
  • Meditate
  • Read something uplifting
  • Lean on some natural supplements, and essential oils (aromatherapy)

Have you ever battled anxiety?  What are your favorite go to’s to manage your stress?


In pursuit of the best me


Life can be a whirlwind of change at times.  ESPECIALLY when you are the one that willingness seeks change, and transformation.  And what I have come to know, is that when you set your eyes on a destination, or a specific version of yourself that you’d like to become, and then further more – committing to the change, sometimes life can be interesting!

Just over 2 years ago, in the fall of 2015, I committed to the idea of opening up my own salon.   I found the space that I wanted, I signed the lease, I hired other stylists to work along side of me, and off I went to build my vision!  When I first opened up Beehive Beauty Bar, we were a full service salon.  We offered men’s hair cuts, kids hair cuts, perms, styling, color, hair cuts, and nails.  At the point that things were finally up and running, I was working 6 days a week behind the chair, and then also going in on my day off to clean the salon.  Managing my own clients, everyone else’s clients, commission stylists, booth rent stylists, and our nail tech proved to be more than just a small task.  My body started to physically get sick and my kids were suffering too.  They were attending full time daycare and when I finally had time for them, I was just exhausted.

By Spring of 2016 – and only 6 months into my venture, I knew that something HAD to change.  That’s when I signed up for my first Natural Beaded Rows hair extension course called Big Money Stylist and I started planning my trip to Southern California to take part of the training.

One thing led to another, and I ended up making the decision to downsize my studio, and become more specialized in the world of hair.  I let go of all of my men clients, kids clients, and anyone else that wasn’t a hair color client or a hair extension client.  I committed to only offering hair color, and Natural Beaded Rows extensions.  I moved to my 2 chair studio in Downtown Ogden in July of 2016 and haven’t looked back.

Beehive Beauty Bar Studio

Beehive Beauty Bar – located in the heart of historic Downtown Ogden

My small studio offered the freedom and the flexibility inside of my business that I was initially looking for when I opened up my salon.  I have kept 1-2 stylists working with me inside of my studio and have focused on training and mentoring others that are along for the ride.  I currently work 3-4 days per week behind the chair, and the rest of the time, I am connecting with my kids, my boyfriend and my family.

The biggest truth that I discovered through this experience of opening up my own salon was that to have freedom of being a salon owner, to double or triple your income, and to have more times with your kids and the ones you love – YOU DON’T NEED A HUGE SALON WITH A HUGE TEAM.   What you DO need is CLARITY, and COMMITMENT in your vision.   Commit to the OUTCOME that you want.  Not the specific path that you take to get there.  Sometimes working toward your goals includes scrapping original plans made, and course correcting as often as you need to stay on course to your desired goal.


For more information on the services that I offer inside of my studio, you can text me at 801-392-2027, or head to



Why New Years resolutions SUCK

New Year, new you is what they say!  I call bull shit.  Here is why.

Sure, it’s nice to have a fresh start.  But doesn’t the re commitment of becoming the greatest version of ourselves happen year round?  Not to mention, the better the version of ourselves we become, our goals change.  We reach broader levels of clarity, and we shift our focus on elevating ourselves even more.

I am not the same person in January, that I become in October.  

So my answer?  Have a full year plan – but break it up into baby steps, and don’t be afraid to course correct when it’s appropriate!

I love working in the Industry.  When people want change, my chair is often one of the first stops they make.  ESPECIALLY in the New Year when they are focusing on changing other things in their world.  Check out just a few transformations from this week.  These clients look AMAZING!


Blonding session with Foilyage + a healthy hair cut


Rich caramel balayage + a healthy hair cut


1.5 rows of Natural Beaded Rows + Blonde Detox


Color Transformation/Correction + healthy hair cut

If YOU want to see what is possible in the realm of change for your own hair.  Hair Color and/or Natural Beaded Rows extensions are a good place to explore.

For consultations, text me at 801-392-2027!



end of year CLARITY + vision for 2018

Whew.  This year FLEW BY.  2017 was a year of firsts, and transition for myself, and for my family.  2017 is where my business became more specialized inside the world of hair extensions and hair color.  2017 is when my little girls started pre school.  2017 is when my boyfriend Josh and I moved in together, and combined our family of 6 (TOTAL modern day Brady Bunch)

When I look back and think about the year that I’ve had, I think about how I can apply what I learned moving forward into 2018.   And the one thing that I’ve discovered, is that the more CLEAR that I am on what I want, the easier it is to move forward and create big things.  It’s amazing how when we aren’t clear, we end up doing things half assed, or end up taking on too much.  This is what it means to spin our wheels.  To not be all the way in.

Getting clear about WHAT I WANTED, and WHY I WANTED IT gives me the courage to move forward in creation in 2018.  And just a little pro tip for you…  your clarity will shift as you go.   As you climb the proverbial latter to strive and reach for the things you want, your perception and your reality will shift.  You’ll discover that you want something more meaningful, that you couldn’t see from the vantage point you were curr.

I discovered that the desire to make more money actually was my desire to feel valuable and worthy.

I discovered that the desire to lose 30 lbs, was actually the desire to increase my body’s capacity for energy and vitality.  I want more, now than ever, a body that is functional.  Whatever the numbers on the scale declare!

I discovered that working less and feeling free actually was my desire to connect and to spend time with my kids.

My approach to my goals has now shifted for 2018, because of the clarity that I continue to foster.

What are your goals for the new year?

Are you the type to set new resolutions?

The Single Mom Life: Are you fighting to hang on to your struggle?

Oh the joy of single motherhood.  There have been so many gifts inside of this experience and the stories that I’ve created around it over the last 4 years.

Being broke has taught me to be more creative.

Through being fatigued, I’ve learned to allow myself to go with the flow.

Losing my patience countless times has taught me to breathe deeply.

And putting myself on the back burner has taught me to start taking care of myself better.

The greatest gift inside of single motherhood hasn’t been overcoming the daily struggles, but goes much deeper for me…

Having this story of single motherhood has drawn in so much support and love for me and my daughters.  In the earlier times, people would show up at my door with dinners, and groceries, and offers for help.  Even a break to go take a shower, or brush my teeth I was so grateful for.  My friends, family, and clients would cheer me on, and tell me how strong I was.

There have been times where I have been financially supported inside of this story.

There are lots of times where I let myself off the hook with my health and my body.

And as the relationship with my ex husband remained continued to remain strained, the greater the stories around my glorified victim-hood became.

I’ve never felt so loved and supported, and vindicated than during my journey as a single mom.  But when did I start to believe that I am only deserving of love and support when I am weak?

The challenge I face now, is not the fear that I am not enough, or that I am failing as a mom.  The challenge is that growing into a greater version of yourself, comes with a responsibility and accountability for your own situation, and your own results.  No more blaming outside conditions for the results that you create in your life.  The fear is breaking through the realization and possibility that I am worthy of love and support, even in my wholeness.

You have to decide which master you are going to serve.  The greater version of yourself leading you to the light, or the dark shadows inside your mind that tell you it’s not safe to grow.

You have to hold yourself to a higher standard.  You have to take radical accountability for your experience.

It’s so warm and cozy in an existence when no one around you expects anything greater from you.  

But you can’t have a successful business, and healthy finances but still buy into the story that you’re unsupported by your ex husband.

and you can’t blame your kids for the amount of sleep you did or didn’t get, when you don’t even make self care a priority to begin with.

You can’t blame the fast food restaurant for the 30 lbs you’ve kept on since giving birth when it’s you who chooses to keep going through the drive-thru.

What steps can you take TODAY to let go of the smaller story, to be able to upgrade to the greater version of yourself?

The crown you never take off…

If there is one thing that I have learned about women over the last 15 years as a stylist, is that women tend to struggle with guilt around investing time, money and energy into themselves.

I’ve seen women find babysitters, take vacation time off of work, go into work late, and even call in sick to make their hair appointment work.

Taking time for yourself definitely does not come easy for most, and that’s what makes it so valuable! 

The benefit however, for showing up for yourself to invest some time, money and energy into yourself FAR OUTWEIGHS ANY SACRIFICE MADE TO GET THERE!  Getting your hair done, brings to the surface and connects you with the aspects of your greatest self.  I haven’t seen one woman that hasn’t left feeling more confident, and more relaxed and relieved when they invest in their hair color or NBR hair extensions. And further more, their WHOLE world experiences the ripple effect of how they show up.

Below, let me share with you a handful of my most recent Natural Beaded Rows transformations on 5 women that had the courage to show up and invest time, money and energy into connecting with their best self.

Hair is the crown you never take off – make it great!

To apply for your NBR transformation, click on the button below!

YES! I want NBR! (4)





NBR Fall 2017